How to: Love Me
by Aki no Usagi
Summary: [High School AU] [Songfic] Dazai thought that there's just one right way to make Chuuya his.


I listened to this Mamo's (Dazai's voice actor) song the other day and thought it's so Dazai. So I tried giving it a shot. My first soukoku fic yayyy~

I really love the song, by the way. Go check it out if you want:  
Boku no Manual by Miyano Mamoru

Enjoy~

* * *

 _Step One._

 _Call my name with that sweet voice of yours. Then I would pretend that I didn't hear you._

"Oi, Dazai!"

The said brunet rolled his eye sideways, but did not bother turning around. A smirk slowly formed itself at the corner of his lips. He did not need to look at the face to recognize that beautiful voice he is more than used to. Words alone could not describe how much he wanted to turn his back immediately every time that voice called out his name, greeting the other back with a wide smile and softly replying to his beloved.

"What is it, Chuuya~?"

The redhead would most likely snap and ask him to wipe off that sceptical smile on his face, without realizing that was a gaze full of affection projected only to him. They would then argue for a while as Dazai teases him until the redhead forgot what he first came for. Just like that, the two of them would walk down the path on their way home together as the sun slowly set behind them.

But they never did any of those. He never did. Dazai would always feign ignorance. He would pretend he did not pay attention to that voice as he walked on, running up to greet Oda Sakunosuke instead when he saw him. Lastly, he would tilt his head back a little, acting as if he just noticed the redhead and said,

"Oh, I didn't see you there, Chuuya."

At that, the redhead would either finish his business as soon as possible with visible irritation in his tone and expression, or he would simply stomp away with anger, grumbling "Shitty mackerel."

It was alright. It was done on purpose. The brunet calculated it well. That way, he would let his beloved Chuuya aware of his own feelings, be conscious of it, and eventually longs for Dazai. It was all according to his manual.

 _Step two._

 _Hold me tightly as if I am the treasure of your life. Then I would reward you with a gentle kiss._

The redhead paced up his steps, catching up to the other teen a few inches away from him. The sound of his indoor school slippers squeaking against the floor stopped shortly after, followed by the echo of it through the empty hallway. He circled his arm around the brunet's waist, stopping him to walking further away.

A hint of surprise was evident in the dark brown eyes of the latter's, but it disappeared quickly, replaced by the same smirk he always wears around the former. He would not give an instant respond. He would wait as he felt the body heat radiating from the shorter male on his back, passing through their uniform.

"Hey," the redhead would start, sounding slightly sheepish. "say something, you damn mackerel."

"Then, what is Chuuya doing, I wonder~?" asked Dazai.

"Isn't it obvious?"

The grip around his waist tightened. The redhead buried his face on Dazai's back, made him sounded a little muffled. Whilst the smirk still stayed on the brunet's handsome face, unceasing for quite a while.

"Then, _why_ is Chuuya doing it, though~?" asked Dazai again.

"...Isn't it _obvious_?"

Dazai fought the urge to chuckle at that point. He knew Chuuya, more than anyone else do. He knew the redhead was trying, trying hard, even with that strained voice and flushed cheeks, but not enough. He should work just a little bit harder.

"If Chuuya doesn't properly put it into words, I won't get it~"

A brief silence filled the air. Dazai could feel the other's nerve shallowly shrinking away. He wanted to pull away. He could not handle the teasing and embarrassment further, Chuuya is never good at being honest. Well, so did Dazai, truthfully.

The brunet turned around and caught the other's arms right before they leave his waist. He stared at Chuuya straight in his eyes, not allowing him to escape. Then with a low voice, he decided to give him a little push by saying. "Now, tell me, Chuuya~"

"I… that's…" he averted his gaze, then ended up whispering with almost his entire face covered with the colour as red as roses. "guess I like you after all…"

A wide smile finally plastered on Dazai's face. "Well done, Chuuya." He gently held Chuuya's face, gazing down at him with adoration, before planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

It was alright. It went well. Just like that, Chuuya should compliantly follow his manual, which was known by no one else. That way, they can love each other more, better, just the two of them even in the day or night beneath the stardust. Let him be greedy just for the sake of this love. After all, everything is according to his manual.

 _Step three…_

 _You had turned away from me and crying. Droplets of tear ran down from that pair of beautiful blue orbs under the moonlight. This was beyond what my manuals had planned for…_

"Chuuya…?"

For once, Dazai was uncertain of something related to his beloved redhead. He reached out his hand to the other only to be smacked away. That was the first sign of rejection he received from Chuuya.

"Don't touch me, asshole!" the redhead shouted, frantically wiping his drenched cheeks with his hand. "I'm done with your shit."

"What… What do you mean, Chuuya?"

Clearly, he knew what was happening, though he tried to push away those thoughts, forcing his usual smile, and making sure everything was just his own imagination. Chuuya did not just turn his back on him. Chuuya could not be giving up on him. But when the brunet could hear how apparent the anxiety was in his own voice, that's when he should have noticed it was all too late.

"You're always like that."

"Huh?"

"What's with that smile? Why are you still smiling like that? It's like I never know what you're thinking about. Even now! I don't fucking know what I am to you!"

Chuuya's slender figure, concealed by the dim light of the moon, looked even smaller and much more fragile than how he usually is. His voice was shaking. The sound of him gulping down a sob was almost audible, trying to keep his composure as he continued. Then he inhaled.

"I have had enough." He clenched his teeth and fists tightly. Tears started to swell up at the corner of his eyes again. He took a step forward, approaching the brunet, then threw a punch at him. It knocked the latter down on the floor, dumbfounded. "Like hell I'm gonna be toyed around by you bastard any further than this!"

It happened all too fast. But that was no excuse. Dazai sat there on the hard, cold floor, rubbing his throbbing cheek and uselessly stared at the redhead in disbelief as he turned his back and walked away.

"It's over, Dazai."

On the last spring of their high school days, the night before the graduation ceremony, Nakahara Chuuya left him.

What exactly went wrong? Dazai Osamu had no other than one wish. To always stay by Chuuya's side, wanting him, to be wrapped in the sweet scent of his soft, red hair. That silly Chuuya, he should have known better than anyone else, how important he is to Dazai. How he could be greedy when it comes to Dazai. How he could completely drown into Dazai. How much Dazai loves him.

His manual, which he carefully planned, all to strengthen their relationship, resulted in a failure. He could have made another one, a replacement. This time, considering all kind of possibilities and steps to overcome it, he'd do better. But hurting and losing Chuuya once more would definitely not be worth it.

Dazai had been sitting in the dark, redeeming for too long already. He had to make a move now before it's too late. He had to take Chuuya back before he lost him forever. So off he went, running and dashing to where his beloved redhead is. Forgiveness, he may not deserve it. The glory to restart everything to square one, he does not have it as well. Even so he hoped that he could fix things, at least. It would neither be perfect or flawless, but he would do his best, for he could no longer afford Nakahara Chuuya's absence in his life.

Dazai stopped right by the traffic light, sweat rolling down on his forehead, his breathing uneven, and his heart beating so fast he could nearly hear it. Across the street, on the west side, he could see a certain redhead exiting an apartment building, strolling down the sidewalk with a frown. The green light was still on, while Chuuya was walking away, not in an unreachable speed, but Dazai worries. If he could not catch up to him in time, and he might lost the chance forever.

Within those few seconds he stressed over what to do, his mouth made its move faster than his mind. "Chuuya!" he shouted, so loud and clear.

The said teen halted in an instant. He spun his head around to the voice he should definitely know. "Wha…?"

"I love you!" he stated, not an ounce of hesitation was left in him. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings. I'm sorry for keeping it to myself all this time." The cars coming from the opposite direction stopped just a few inches in front of Dazai. He glanced at the now flashing red light above him then cautiously sprinted to the other side of the street. "I'm sorry that I never properly tell you. I love you, Chuuya!" He continued as he ran toward the redhead, who was frozen still where he stood. "That's why, please don't leave me!"

Now that Dazai was standing up close to Chuuya, he could finally see the other's face clearly. He was flushing, the frown on him earlier had grown deeper, his sky blue eyes widened in confusion, and his mouth agape forming no words in the presence of Dazai. Faint, but he could spot the hint of sheer delight in the look of his almost teary eyes. It was sort of an unsuitable moment, but Dazai's mind was suddenly filled with how pretty his beloved Chuuya looked right then.

The brunet reached out his hand, this time he won't allow himself to fail anymore. When his fingers brushed against Chuuya's cheeks, the boy flinched. Dazai quickly, and ever so gently, cupped his face with both his hands before the other decided to run away. "I'm so sorry…" There were so much more they had yet to convey, but no words were spoken as they were drowning into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

Dazai only broke eye contact and pulled the redhead closer to his chest when he noticed his own tears had started flowing, dampening his face, as if hiding it from the other—to no avail, of course. "I won't ever let you go again, Chuuya."

 _I will need my manuals no more._

Chuuya was squirming a little in the brunet's arms, before he finally settled down and slowly returned the hug, mumbling just loud enough for Dazai to hear. "You… aren't you a jerk?"

Dazai chuckled, tightening his hug and burying his face in Chuuya's red hair. "Yeah… please let me off with that."

 _I will throw away my manuals. Just like this, let us be greedy over each other, sweetly melting together and become one. Whether in the day or night, only the two of us beneath the stardust, give me your true love and I will gladly give you mine as well._

* * *

I've never really written about Chuuya before so idk if I get him right. But a friend proofread it for me and said no problem so yeahhh.

Anw thanks for reading~  
Feedback anyone~


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